problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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