I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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