alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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