Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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