he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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