He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
