im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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