on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
