While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
