Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
