i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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