Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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