I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Someone signed my nipple.
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