you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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