Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
