his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
