she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
