he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
