i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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