They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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