i was born a porn star she said
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
