I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
