Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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