Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
