so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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