i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He has the fingertips of a God
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