Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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