you would pick up someone in the library
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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