Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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