too bad you live with your parents still
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
