i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't turn off my feet"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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