Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
