I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
