You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3