My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
