Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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