god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can text with my tongue
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.