Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize