you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
