I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina