great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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