Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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