Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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