Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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