make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
