either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize