he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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