I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
