I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
