I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
