i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Pooping to opera.
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