My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
