i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
