so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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