I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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