I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
