Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
