so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
