she peed on how many people?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
