i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
