you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
