yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
