Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
