Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
