Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
