i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
