just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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