My Higher Power is John Stamos
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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