I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
