My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
