why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
