Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This toilet bowl is my home.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
