He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
