Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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