She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
