so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
