you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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