Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
