Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
