Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
