mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
