someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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