he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
