Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize