Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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