I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Girls should come with a carfax report
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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