he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
