I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
