Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
